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Funniest Casino Jokes and Puns of All Times



Eddy Cheung

The last couple of years has seen gamblers lining up to get a piece of online casino games. That’s even made better during this Covid-19 period when most brick-and-mortar casinos have suspended operations. But just like when playing in an in-person setting, online gambling needs to be fun and enjoyable.

Funniest Casino Jokes and Puns of All Times

For that reason, this article introduces you to some jokes and puns to keep things light-hearted in your online gambling sessions.

Funny Casino Puns

  • What’s the difference between live and online casinos? At online casinos, you can cry after losing a bet, and nobody will laugh at you.

  • The first sign that you may have poker addiction is naming your kids Check and Raise.

  • Your best chance of hitting a royal flush in a poker room is in the bathroom.

  • Do you know the difference between a casino and a church? You mean it when praying at a casino.

  • All online casinos are complaining that they are losing too much money to players. Well, at least they now know how players feel.

  • Why is gambling uncommon in Africa? Because they have too many cheetahs!

  • If you meet a T-rex working in a casino and hiding from the police, know that he or she is a small arms dealer.

  • Thanks to Coronavirus, both casinos and churches are closed. So now you know that when heavens and heel agree on something, it’s unstoppable.

  • How do you leave a casino a millionaire? Just go in a billionaire.

  • Having owned multiple casinos previously, Donald Trump would have known that the House wins in the end.

Card Game Jokes

  • Have you ever seen pirates play cards? That’s because they usually stand on the deck!

  • What animal always wins at a poker game? A bluffalo.

  • What would Batman do if he was losing at Poker? He would summon the joker.

  • A relationship is like playing cards. First you have hearts and diamonds then at the end is clubs and spades

  • There is a casino in the neighborhood for dogs. Gamers can play poker, blackjack, and roulette, all under a single roof. However, players must go outside for craps.

  • A player asked for second-hand cards from a Las Vegas casino. But after a month, the cards haven’t arrived. When he asked for an update, they said they are dealing with his order.

  • Do you know a heart without organs? Check out a deck of cards.

Longer Stories About Casino Jokes

  • Two bored casino dealers sit on a craps table waiting for the first client of the day. Suddenly, a beautiful woman walks in and wagers $10,000 on a single dice roll. She then asks if she could play topless as it makes her feel luckier. The two dealers grant her the wish, after which she starts jumping up and down, squealing, “Yes! Yes! I won!” She hugs the dealers and collects her winnings. After she left, one of the dumbfounded dealers asks, “What did she roll?” “I don’t know. I thought you were watching,” the other one replied.

  • A man walks into a casino floor where he sees a poster reading: “For those with a gambling problem, dial 1-800-GAMBLER.” He takes a moment to think about it, then calls the number. When answered, he said: “I have a six and an ace, and the dealer has a 7. What do I do?”

  • A gambler visits a casino and plays the whole day. Unfortunately, he loses all his bets. The same thing happens the following day. On the third day, the dealer asks him what he does for a living and if he can afford to lose more money. Interestingly, he says winning is all about personality. He said: “I earn $12,000 monthly, and my charismatic friend who only says things that melt hearts is paid $3,000 monthly. Another athletic friend of mine is paid $4,000 monthly just for taking pictures. Also, my very intelligent friend earns $5,000 monthly.” “So what’s your personality to earn that much?” the dealer asked. The man replied, “I simply repost their shit!”

Have Fun

Hope you’ve enjoyed reading these gambling puns. You can use these casino jokes plus many more to keep your spirit high whenever your gambling mood is down. After all, gambling should be primarily about entertainment.

AUTHOREddy Cheung

I remember the first time I saw Kai Tak, Hong Kong's gambling city, I thought I was in a fairy tale. All the lights blinking, the music and the monumental buildings, what 9-year-old wouldn’t think they’ve come to a magical place? It was my father who brought me, dragging me along and when inside I was hit by the smell of frying duck. As soon as I hit 21 I returned to Kai Tak, A bit nervous to see if my mind had embellished the memory, but it hadn’t. Kai Tak was still a magical place. I decided I wanted to spend as much time as I could at this place, so I did. For the next coming years I lived and breathed Kai Tak. Now I am married with kids, and they have become a part of my life too. That’s why I started exploring online casinos to create a better work-life balance and I couldn’t be happier!

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